Planet GFMorris

As I noted on geophlog, my price for taking cute pictures of your kids is dinner. That is, of course, the friends and family rate.

The Hymnal

No, I didn’t have this before last night. Sorry, Randall!

Wilco (The Album)

I’ve had this from the stream for a while, but now it’s great to have it in physical form.

I’ll be back at work on Monday. I decided this today after talking with co-workers who wanted to check up on me. I would’ve figured our program reviews had happened this week, but they’re happening next week, and jumping into that is a great way to get my feet back wet. Next week is a short week, so I’ll be good with that.

I start therapy on Wednesday. I may need it after the PMR, heh.

• AP in Lawrence, KS on Fri 14 Aug 2009
• AP in Louisville, KY on Sun 16 Aug 2009
• AP in Platteville, WI on Fri 21 Aug 2009
• AP in Green Bay, WI on Sat 22 Aug 2009
• AP in Knoxville, TN on Fri 28 Aug 2009
• AP in Oregon, WI on Sat 12 Sep 2009
• AP in Lookout Mountain, GA on Tue 15 Sep 2009
• AP in Tallahassee, FL on Tue 22 Sep 2009

I wrote on Monday that I was auditioning for the Huntsville Master Chorale. My audition was this afternoon, and I was told that I had “a perfect choral sound” and that “I would love to have you in our group”. I mean, that’s not, “You’re in,” but it’s pretty close. Needless to say, I’m happy with it, even though I thought my sight-reading stunk on ice. [She demurred and argued that it was a challenging piece to sight read, which I grant you that it was, but still ... I missed notes! I don't like missing notes!] I was nervous, mainly because the last time I tried out for anything was ACDA All-State my senior year at MSMS.

Also, things continue to be good. I had a dream last night that I went back to work today, where I got yelled at by everyone involved for coming back early. :chuckle: Today was actually the first day I was eligible to go back, as the leave I’m on requires that you be gone at least two weeks. Admittedly, I am tempted, but there are some things I want to get done around the house and with myself before I start back to work. I meet with my shrink again tomorrow, and I think she’ll be happy with my results. I know that I am.

• RG in Tuscaloosa, AL on Sun 5 Jul 2009
• RG and Ginny Owens in Canton, GA on Sat 11 Jul 2009
• RG in Clearwater, FL on Sun 19 Jul 2009
• AG in Hollywood, FL on Fri 31 Jul 2009

I’ll make you click through to read the possibly-controversial lyrics Eric wrote, but I want to quote his discussion of them after the fact:

These are potentially expensive words. I see how they could easily be misinterpreted or taken out of context without knowing the story’s backdrop. Hence, they may be expensive in that customers might want their money back after purchasing a “christian” album expressing such sentiments. I have no idea how the song will be received, as it is hopefully as honest in its narration as the true story on which it is based. The reality of humanity is that we owe to grace as great debtors. In our worst moments, we curse the blessing of our own skin, our own breathing in and out, the universe and Maker alike. In our best moments, we remain desperately in need of that which is beyond our frailty or capacity to bring anything good to the Mercy Table. I struggled for weeks, in the process of writing it, to allow the main character the red-blooded freedom to tell God, “I hated you that day.” That is not the sort of cheap, plastic, pre-fab line that floats easily upon the waters of this industry. I am trying to be as honest as I can, since I so personally and closely related to the story of my friend’s losing and losing, while in the midst of such tremendous anger, hostility towards God, loss of income and business, found himself spewing those very words with all the venom and bile his hard, tired heart could muster. And in the process, God still showed up with all the mercy and hope He ever possessed.

The emphasis is Eric’s, but that’s where I would’ve put it, too. I personally have written before about what doubt is to us as Christians, but I don’t think that writing about sinful things is, in and of itself, sinful. After all, Christianity teaches [or at least it should] that we are sinners, broken and needy. If we learn this through anything other than our own foibles with sin, we learn it through others’ experiences—and I have the feeling that this kind of song that Eric’s talking about, while it might be hard to hear, is what we need to hear. The lyrics he quoted struck within me ways that I’ve felt at dark hours, and it’s important to know that others have felt that way and moved on from there to right thinking and living. Not that any of us have attained all this…

Posthumous Success

This is the seventh Brosseau record I have bought. All have been wonderful.

If you follow the mood chart I started mainly for my doctor, you’ll see that I’ve had four good days in a row. The combination of the medical changes I’ve made are really making a difference in my mood and energy levels, and it’s awesome, y’all.

I’ve also been thinking about what I was doing wrong, because hell, it’s not all the drugs, man. To argue that my choices have no effect on my mood is just such utter bullshit, and turns meds into the crutch that so many people are afraid they’ll be. I strongly suspect that one of my friends who is struggling with depression right now fears meds because of the crutch concept. I want to tell you that they are not a crutch but a restorative—and you need that to keep the car on the road, but at the end of the day, you still have to drive, dammit. Kari sparked the thoughts that I’d had going to mind in writing about her issues with overcommitting.

Simply put, I got so busy at work that my fear of overcommitting—which has burned me out in the past—lead me to undercommit to anything that was not my job. Church, family, friends, self … all of you got sacrificed on the altar of my career. It was good for my career, but eventually left me such a broken shell of a person that I couldn’t hold it together to do the one thing I was theoretically trying to save.

It is entirely true that I am an aerospace engineer turned project manager. But to argue that this is all I am is just so, so wrong. I have long prided myself—rightly, I think—on being a well-rounded person. But the only way in which I can be considered well-rounded is in my physical appearance, which is not what I would call a Good Thing. [Just ask my knees and hips, which are both really barking tonight as I sit here in my desk chair.] I’m working on this, though. I plan on going flat out for the 40 [sometimes 45, sometimes 50] hours a week that my job asks of me, but I’ve got to do other things besides that lest I go absolutely batshit insane.

I’ve been working on this in two ways: one is, of course, seeking to get back into a church home. The other is something that finally came to mind today: auditioning for the Huntsville Master Chorale. I go on Wednesday. The time commitment may prove, ultimately, to be too much, but I owe it to myself and my baritone to stretch myself a little bit and have some fun.

So Derek will be playing a one-hour show at The Rutledge in Nashville on the 3rd of July. I’ll be there if I have to sleep in my car to hold my place in line. [Actually, I'll just go eat at the Mexican place next door. I've been to The Rutledge many a time at this point.]

All you northeastern/New England types … heads up.

• AP in Jamesville, NY on Thu 9 Jul 2009
• AP in Blakely, PA on Fri 10 Jul 2009
• AP in Brooklyn, NY on Sat 11 Jul 2009
• AP in Bethel, CT on Sun 12 Jul 2009
• AP in Teaneck, NJ on Mon 13 Jul 2009
• AP in Boston, MA on Tue 14 Jul 2009
• AP in N. Waterboro, ME on Wed 15 Jul 2009
• AP in Augusta, ME on Thu 16 Jul 2009
• AP in Old Town, ME on Fri 17 Jul 2009
• AP in Portland, ME on Sat 18 Jul 2009
• AP in Westbrook, ME on Sun 19 Jul 2009 [morning]
• AP in Weymouth, MA on Sun 19 Jul 2009 [evening]

New England, represent!

Follow my progress on Readernaut.

Misty and I went to Barnes & Noble today after lunch with Stephen, and well, it as sitting on the new fiction paperback shelf, calling to me. Griffin is a guilty pleasure—Clancy without all the hammering over the head of his politics plus better characterization. Back to 1940s Argentina I go!

Well, I went to Florida, and all I got was a lousy gasoline bill. [Okay, and lunch at Dixie Crossroads.] STS-127 has yet to launch, and as I watched the post-Mission Management Team press conference on Sunday, I had no faith that they’d fly. So, well, I started driving home, making it to Lake City, FL before I conked out on Sunday night and driving the rest of the way home yesterday. Put simply, I’m tired. [Sorry, HSVLocals, for sleeping through Thai Tuesday today.]

As the title indicates, taking this much time off is an exercise in separating What I Do for a Living from Who I Am. My life is radically unbalanced in this regard, and I’m trying to restore it to balance. I’m also going stir-crazy. I have no profound insights as of yet; I have two more weeks for those, I reckon.

• The whole SPA in St. Peters, MO on Tue 30 Jun. They play Cornerstone the next day, but we won’t list that separately as you’re either already going to C-stone or not.
• EP and BS in O’Fallon, MO on Fri 31 Jul.