Well, all sorts of folks are itchin’ about tomorrow’s election. Me, I’m not terribly excited about it, but I’ll go vote before I head to work in the morning. For me, there’s not much excitement—my Congresscritter seems destined to win, neither of my asshole Senators are up for re-election [and they generally only have token support], I like my State Senator [and have before he was mine], I have no competition for my vote for State Representative, and the challenger in the Gubernatorial race completely whiffed. But here’s how I think I’ll vote in a few situations:
- Governor: I learned in 1998 not to vote against someone; I helped vote out Fob James and to usher Don Siegelman into office, and that got me nowhere. [Well, worse than nowhere … it almost got me arrested, but … that’s another story.] So in 2002, I refused to vote negative, and with neither Siegelman nor Bob Riley giving me a reason to vote for them, I voted Libertarian. Riley won, and … all told, he’s been pretty good for Alabama. The best thing that you can say for ol’ Bob is that he hasn’t fucked things up very much—he’s been pretty ethical for an Alabama politician, he’s done the right thing with the switch to yearly property tax assessments, and he’s generally provided a steady hand. Many compare Bob to having your Grandpa as Governor, and … that fits. Lucy Baxley had an opportunity to give my vote, but she decided that the way to beat ol’ Bob was to out conservative him and to appeal to Alabama’s anti-tax ways. That might be how you get some of the far right to slip, Lucy dear, but that’s not how you get us swing voters to come your way. Bob, you get four more years from this quarter.
- Lieutenant Governor: Given my “never make a negative vote” schpiel, I’m strongly considering leaving this one blank in the morning. I haven’t seen enough about Luther Strange to make me want to vote for him, but nothing about Jim Folsom Jr. makes me want him back.
- Attorney General: This is the only truly interesting statewide race. You have two fundamental sides here: the Troy King, “prosecute to the fullest extent of the law” side, and the John Tyson, Jr. “prosecute and prevent” side. King was appointed to the post when Dubya made Bill Pryor a Federal judge, but I’ve never really been enamored of what King did in his stead, and Tyson seems to fit more of what I want to see us do at the state level. A friend at church works in prison ministry, and her reminded me the other day that there’s no correction at the Department of Corrections. Tyson gets my vote.
- Secretary of State: Nancy Worley is so unbelievably incompetent that she will cause me to break my no-negative-votes pledge. Okay, not really; her opponent is our present State Auditor, Beth Chapman. I’ll take someone who’s half-competently done her job [Chapman] over someone who just hasn’t done hers at all [Worley]. If I knew nothing of Chapman, I wouldn’t vote at all.
There are other statewide races, but I don’t give enough of a damn to write about them, and I may not vote in them. I’ve followed The Huntsville Times pretty intently the last couple of weeks but still haven’t seen much reason to care too much about any of them: I hate elected judgeships, and the statewide boards are likely going to do what they will do whether an R or a D is in there, y’know?
As for the statewide constitutional amendments, every four years I go a different way. Eight years ago, I voted them all down; four years ago, I voted them up for the counties I liked and down in all other situations. This year, I’ll vote any and every amendment up—the more amendments to this wretched state constitution, the better! It sucks dead bunnies through a bent straw, so it needs all the amending it can take. Seriously … when you’ve hit 800 amendments, it’s time to start over.
As always, remember two things: my votes reflect my views, and not those of my employer, my church congregation, my alma mater, or my dentist. [Especially not my dentist. I never argue politics with a man who pokes needles in me!] If you find yourself in violent disagreement, go and vote tomorrow. If you find yourself in agreement, go and vote as well—some jackass disagrees with us and wants to cancel my vote!