My Votes on 2016 Alabama State Constitutional Amendments

I won’t get into my national support, but at the state level: Shelby and whoever’s opposing Brooks this time.

I do have brief thoughts about the Alabama State Constitutional amendments on the 2016 ballot (yellowhammernews.com; Ballotpedia also has coverage).  I care about Alabama politics enough to almost get arrested over it.  Here are some irreverent and profane thoughts:

  1. Yes, because Boards of Trustees need continuity, although no one needs the Cub in there in perpetuity (seriously, fuck that guy).
  2. Yes, especially because my wife and I were married at Lake Guntersille State Park.  This amendment preserves funding below a certain level and lets them self-fund up to and above that level if they can.
  3. Yes, because I am tired of having to vote on other counties’ shit.  (See below.)
  4. No, because the crazy independent streak in this state needs tampening down.  Also, if you give government the power to organize but not the power of the purse, you will get shitty government.  We have enough shitty government in Alabama as it is.
  5. No, because I hate the Alabama State Constitution and want it to be repealed.
  6. HELL FUCK NO, because we should never raise the bar for impeaching state officials.  That this sailed through the legislature gave me pause to read through the amendment again.
  7. Yes, because I don’t care but I like Etowah County.  (This is always a consideration in these votes for me.)
  8. No, because I believe that unions have an (unlikely) place in Alabama.  I might be the only no vote in Madison County.
  9. No, because 1) I hate Pickens County and 2) this is probably in place to let some old-fart judge sleep-gavel his way into retirement.  Nope, nope, nope.  Old crusty judges help few in Alabama.
  10. Yes, because … well, I can’t be bothered to care about Calhoun County.  I had to look up where it is.  Oh, Anniston?  I like Anniston.  Shine on, you crazy dreamers.
  11. Yes, mainly because Huntsville will use this judiciously while everyone else will fuck it up, allowing my beloved city to continue to rise out of the miry swamp that is this Godforsaken state.  “You live in Madison!” you say.  Yes, Madison will screw this up, because Madison is always going to screw things up (other than the schools).
  12. Yes, because I think that this is a terrible, terrible idea, but it’s Baldwin County, and … fuck Baldwin County.
  13. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, get rid of those old judges non-judicial officials and legislators.  This is the “Let Roy Moore Back on the Court Bill”.  NO.  You can contravene every vote I have in this list but this one and #6 and I’ll be happy.  Thanks to Tommy Cole for pointing out that this doesn’t affect judges, but it could be an attempt to get the Cub back on the University of Alabama System Board of Trustees.
  14. Yes, because I do actually believe in some limited autonomy and don’t want Montgomery screwing things up any more.  I almost considered a No because I do like it when Montgomery screws up, possibly leading us closer to the Constitutional Conventional Apocalypse, but that’s too risky.

If we ever do get that new Constitutional Convention, I want Lin-Manuel Miranda there to cover the events and write songs.