Alpha Delta Delta

Me: “I think I have adult onset attention deficit disorder.”

Shrink: “Why do you say that?”

Me: (long stream of sideways conscious thought about how I always chalked it up to my mental illness, but now that we’ve mostly stripped that away, — SQUIRREL!)

Him: “Okay, we can do something about that.”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna Tom Cruise this chair and demand pills.” (Note, I didn’t say this at the time, but man, that would’ve been funny as hell.)

Him: “We’ll give you some testing.” It’s called TOVA. I can guess the acronym. I can guess how it’s designed. (I took enough Design of Experiments and Statistical Quality Control in the fourth time I did graduate school before failing out to make those semi-educated guesses.)

Me: “Cool.” (This is the first test that I’ve ever wanted to fail.)

Real talk: sometimes I think that I like real-time console operations because it narrows the option set and gives me just enough of a juice to focus my mind. (Cue my old boss nodding slowly.)

(Cue my nine long-time readers nodding less slowly.)