Home, Hearth, and Happiness

Just got off the phone with the folks. Glad to hear that Mom sounds just a little stronger than before. Also good to hear that her left eye is tracking a little better, and that surgery is possible to rejuvenate the nerves and such should the need arise. She may always have double vision in her left eye, but the ability to use both after the stroke she had in August is amazing. =)

It’s really frustrating to be too busy to go home as often as I should. Last time I was home, I cut the trip short because the Governor was coming to town and it was our opportunity to protest. Since then, I hadn’t successfully made time; and then I turned off sick this week, unable to visit. Such frustration. With elections and church stuff, it may be late April before I get up there. I hate that; time with my parents is precious, especially when you nearly lose one of them. I treasure the time I get to spend with them, even if we don’t “do anything”.

Looks like home is indeed going to change. Plans for me to move back on campus are progressing, and Jared is certainly transferring to UNA. Glad that he found what he wanted to do to make himself happy and rich before he was too far to change majors, unlike myself.

It makes me wonder why I didn’t decide to change majors earlier. I should have. I had every opportunity to do so; I resisted them all. I resisted my calling, which is as much of a sin as getting a degree you don’t want and wasting taxpayer dollars. =) It leads me to wonder: “Why am I doing this? How will God use this to change me?” I think it’s just further evidence that He knows better than I do.

I’m reminded of Jeremiah 29:11: ” ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD.” It’s frustrating to be a recovering control freak and not to know what those plans are. I find the answer in the next few verses. I do yearn to be brought back from captivity; I feel trapped into the exile that is the engineering career I am not happy with [despite my supposed ability to do it rather well] and the future for myself that seems so bleak without following a calling.

I’m reminded of a conversation with Jennifer where she reminded me that vocation is really just calling in a different context, “voca” being from the Latin, “to call”. Of course, when I hear of vocation, I think of the Vo-Tech, guys with 85 IQ’s thinking their only way in the world is to tinker with cars, punch metal, or something similar. “Teach ’em a skill and keep ’em safe and out of sight,” society seems to say, but that’s not really fair, either. Of course, I’m sure society’s treatment of people who leave high-paying jobs to work for a God who is both always visible and always invisible will be interesting, too. But we are to be in this world, and not of it. That’s a struggle, but I get a little closer to it some days.

In all of this, it probably seems as if I’m down. I’m not. I’m refreshed. But I also recognize that some of the hardest work of life lies ahead, and here I am, unready to take it on. I must get in shape, in all ways, for the days to come.