Not Completely Reformed

Well, Sean has goaded me into telling this story so people don’t get the image that I’m always a nice guy. Sounds like a plan to me.

I’m leaving the house this morning when Todd and Blake are coming in from hockey. Todd says, “How ’bout you go [defecate] on that white car up there parked in the parking spot that’s not a parking spot?” To explain: there is a marked-out parking space at the entrance to our building, left wide so handicapped people, folks with lots of groceries, etc. can enter unabated. Someone had parked their white Chrysler LeBaron convertible in that spot, and as you might expect, my roommates and I were irritated.

I mumbled something about already having, uh, you know, this morning, so I did the next best thing … having sinus problems, I deposited some on her windshield. Blake couldn’t believe I did it … but I did. That was a nasty ol’ loogie, but you know, I bet the owner will never park there again … it’s there for a reason.

Not the nicest thing in the world, but hey …


  1. Man, I’m laughing my ass off at that still. For those of you who read this part of the story you haven’t heard the whole story. Blake and I came back in from playing hockey and we saw that car still sitting in the same spot it had been all night. Blake says, "you know, that s#$t really pisses me off!" I said, yeah you know I’m having one of those urges I get, to get back in the truck and ram the shit out of that car with the big ass trailer ball that’s on the back of my pick-up. Then, reminded of a Pink Floyd song, I said, man it just "fills me with the urge to deficate!" "I ain’t got no toilet paper, hey, that car’s white, I’ll just use it!" So Blake and I head down stairs and run into Gee-off, who is on his way out the door. I said, "Hey man, why don’t you go crap all over that car up there?" "You know, the one that shouldn’t be parked where it is!" Gee-off is like, hmmm, I might, but I kind of already took care of that!" So, I told Blake to watch the #$%# out when he goes in the bathroom. Anyway, Gee-off takes off up stairs and I guess Blake had to get something out of his truck so he went up there too. When Blake comes back, he’s laughing his ass off, and he goes, "Oh my God! Todd, you’ll never believe what Geof just did!" "The whole time Geof is walking up the stairs he’s doing this ( insert the sound that Stifler makes in road trip before he fires the loogie across the bridge span and says, "We can make it!") Then when he gets up to the car he F@#%ing fires this huge, nasty, green loogie, right where it’s in the driver’s line of sight." My ass officially cracked up! Anyway, I hope in the shower and as I’m leaving for work, there’s a lady coming down the stairs, I continued walking right by her and held back the laughter as I saw this nasty ass loogie right on the windshield of the car. I kind of suspected that this lady might be the lady that drove the car. Anyway, it turns out that she was the one, and when she saw the loogie, whe was like "Oh, shit!" at which point I almost lost it. I got in the truck as quickly as I could and drove off. When I got clear of the lady, I called Blake and told him I saw the lady and what she said and he died laughing again. Anyway, it was an interesting morning. And that’s the rest of the story.

Comments are closed.