Some of you know that one of my hobbies—some say that it borders on obsession—is involvement with a great little community of (mostly) Christians that’s formed around two artists: Caedmon’s Call and Derek Webb. We use a little discussion board, the Rumor Forum, as a place to hang out and all that.
Well, one of the things that we have on our forum is a Prayer Board. As stated, the group is predominantly Christian, so this is to be expected. Christian community likes community intercessory prayer, even if we can’t come to an understanding or a shared belief on what said intercessory prayer really does. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself groaning when I see new posts there, and I can’t place an answer on why.
The sad thing is, one of our members just had her grandfather die, and the manner in which he died and other things reminded me of when my own grandfather had passed a little over a year ago. My heart goes out to her, but right now, everything else is left pretty … cold, I guess.
I’m not happy with that, and I know that the only “things” that I can do to fix my attitude are to recognize that it’s wrong and to pray for forgiveness and seek repentance … all of which truly is an admission that I don’t have it in me to do any of it on my own, when you can step back from the dogma and the doctrine to see what I’m really saying as I piteously wail from the depths I’ve dug for myself.
Even as I am dismayed at all this, I rejoice in the blessing of having a Savior on Whom I can lean in these troubled times, and upon whom I should always be leaning. There is a better Way, and it comes through denial of my own selfishness, which I’ll never really complete but can hope for great progress in, not that it makes me a better person, but that it gives glory to God for His ability to redeem the lost.